As Ontario declared their 2nd state of emergency due to COVID-19, how are you managing? Gosh, I am totally over it. My 13 year old self want to scream and complain that life is not fair. My “grown up” self is saying, we need to ride this thing out and really lockdown to get things under control.

Here’s something about me, I am good at being with a big crowd, but I really enjoy being at home. I am totally content with not going out on the weekends and staying in. For years, I’ve had very bad anxiety and was suffering from anxiety attacks. I’ve worked hard to manage it. Back in the beginning of our quarantine in March 2020, I couldn’t stop fidgeting for days and the pacing around began. I had trouble focusing on tasks I needed to get done, because I could feel my anxiety creeping back into my life.

The anxiety wasn’t about worries of potentially catching the virus. I was taking precautions when I would go out and I am a non-stop hand washer naturally. I didn’t need COVID to get me to start washing my hands. My anxiety came from being told I can’t/shouldn’t be going out. It was like a switch went off in my head when the announcement was made for the public to stay home. I felt like I was being suffocated for not being allowed to have my freedom to do what I want. My 13 year old self was definitely having a hissy fit.

Since we’ve had more than 3/4 of a year in quarantine/lockdown experience, I can tell you, my struggle was real. I had to get myself to be really disciplined, practiced my breathing and to meditate. These were things I was doing before the pandemic, but I really had to pay attention and enforced my routine. Especially when my anxiety kicked in, it was easier to feel all the stress and pain than to remember to breathe. With practice, over time, everything began to get easier and the anxiety subsided.

I feel much better at knowing I have to stay at home now. I also know many are still struggling. Many of us are getting tired of having to have online meet ups instead of seeing each other in person, but under the circumstances, I think we need to utilize the technologies we do have and check in on one another regularly. Community is important and there’s no shame in struggling. We all go through it at some point in life. If you are comfortable, talk to your friends/family. If you are not comfortable with talking to people you know, there are support groups to people in need to voice their emotions. You are a warrior! You are experiencing a lot! Your mental health is important! Do not feel ashamed and suffer in silence! 

Until next time, sending you love and positive vibes!

​~Rowena~ ✌️❤️😘

Resiliency is something we all have, but some can navigate it easier than others. I am one who got gifted with the ability and it comes to me very naturally. Perhaps it’s because I don’t believe in a dead end outcome. Even in my darkest hours, I would have never thought of it as being the end or boo hoo me. I’ve always been able to remind myself to know the bad is temporary and brighter days are ahead. I live my life with gratitude and know my life is always worth fighting for.

2017 was the year of sadness, anger, frustration and the unknown for me. I lost my job and I couldn’t find another one. Now let me tell you, that has never happened to me before. I’ve lost a job, but never not be able to find another one within the same week. The truth, I was always able to find another job within the same day after quitting/losing a job. 

What’s in a job? I’ve had one of those since before I was legally able to work according to the government of Ontario, Canada. I think I’ve been babysitting since I was twelve and as soon as I turned fourteen, I set out to look for a “proper” part time job. That’s called responsibility, right? I spent my teenage years and most of my twenties acting responsible. I went to school and held a job or two at the same time. Isn’t that what you are to do when heading into adulthood?  

So what do you do after losing a job and can’t find another? I looked in the mirror and tore myself apart with all the “what if, I should’ve, where did I go wrong?” At the time, I realised my success in life was based on how well I was able to perform through my responsibilities. I was taught from young to be responsible and independent, that is what being an adult it about. For me, my job was one of my main responsibilities and when I lost it, I didn't know who I was.

I cried (in private, because no one can see me cry), I threw myself a pity party (in secret, of course), then I looked in the mirror and said, “Now what? What does it all mean? How on earth have I not been able to find another job in 2 years?” I did some serious deep breathing for some time, still staring into the mirror. Then it was like a lightbulb had gone off in my head, it was quite a pivotal moment. It wasn’t that I couldn’t get a job in 2 years. I made the choice not to apply to just any job that had a posting. I’ve learned about my worth and I refused to take on just any work that came my way. I was applying only to jobs that I knew I was interested in and the pay was fair to the position. Like so many other women out in the world, I had been taken advantage of for years and was devaluing my worth. My “stubbornness” (as a Taurus) wouldn’t take a step back and play small this time.  

I made a choice, a life decision. It didn’t go smoothly for 2 years, but it really taught me a lesson. Everything is going to work out. Let go of things you can’t control. Breathe, don’t forget to breathe. Open your mind and eyes. We each have a calling, what is yours? Listen, it didn’t happen overnight for me. I spent much of my life being a wanderer and waiting to see where my life would take me. Acknowledge your skills/talents/passions. It took me 2 years to grow to the person I am today. While not being employed, I had nothing but time. I worked on myself and let myself grow and growth I saw in a year's time. Looking back to 2017, I was definitely a different person and can't believe all the opportunities and self discovery I would have missed out on if I didn't lose my job.
   
We’ve had a very tough season in 2020. No matter how tough of a time you had, one thing is for sure, you are resilient. You got through it, all 365 days of it. Believe it, you are a warrior. Whether you glide through it with job/financial security or if you struggled with losing your job and having to sell your home, you have moved forward. Every year is a challenge with doing better and being your better self. Take a minute to see your abilities and plan how to move forward into 2021. What will you do this year that will bring you joy and prosper as an individual? 

Until next time, sending you love and positive vibes!

​~Rowena~ ✌️❤️😘